sigh

sigh.

SUNshine is still counting the days till she gets out of this misery. Wish I can say it out loud here. Unfortunately I can’t.

I doubt there’s anything left I can do about this situation except to prevent myself from doing the wrong thing. For as long as things don’t change, we’re stuck here! But sometimes, some things just never change…and they never will. Sigh.

I wish I knew what’s wrong, at least I can help. No..I wish I know what exactly is going on. At least I know what to do! I really don’t understand what’s wrong and why some people are just so…so…weird  unique.

I don’t even remember how things got so messed up. It’s like looking at a bowl of rojak and not knowing which fruit you put in first and how you put them in because they are so jumbled up! But then again, it might just be all in my mind. How wonderful!

SUNshine doesn’t know how to cope with this too well. I’m trained to make decisions based on evidence and never, ever on assumptions because it can potentially kill my patient. And this whole issue is nothing but assumptions. Sigh. Diagnosis can never be made based on assumptions. And treatment cannot be given without diagnosis. So how? Stuck lor! Investigation is not giving my any evidence as of now. How?

Let me quote my lecturer: “It’s happier to know that you have cancer when your symptoms are making you very uncomfortable than for the doctor not to know what’s causing your symptoms.” I agree! At least when you know what’s wrong, you can fix it. 5 million times better than to be guessing, worrying, and wondering what’s going on.

So why still bother to think about this rite? Just eat the bowl rojak and don’t think anymore rite? Unfortunately or fortunately, the truth is this: SUNshine really cares about this whole rojak. =_= Hahaha… as much as I know what I want and I’m realistic, I still care. A lot. Soft spot..what to do? Sigh.

And recently, I realise that in all the denial and hiding, we really forgot 1 important Person. I really felt like a hypocrite. Sigh. It’s like not being honest with myself and God. How horrid! I’ve learnt that it’s really OK to be honest with your true feelings. If you think that’s too emo or embarassing, you either have low self esteem or you’re too proud to show them. Period. Either way, it’s bad. Jesus is my Hero but He cried when He was sad. How about that?

Sigh. Love suffers long eh? Dear God, now I’m so sure I’ll marry an awesome man. I’m so sure he’ll be someone that really loves me, pays much attention to me and desires to make my dreams come true. After all the love and patience I sow into people’s life, I’m sure I will reap 30,60 and 100 folds!

But if You’re willing, let this cup pass from me. I’m really trying my best to do what’s right in Your eyes k? And not be emo at the same time. It’s not easy. And You know it…

sigh.

DASH United

Ahh..I finally have time..(OK..I don’t have time. I have so many reports to rush!)…I finally have the mood to blog about a very beautiful wedding I attended last week.

It’s the wedding of 2 of my friends, David and Shirley. They call themselves DASH = DAvid + SHirley. Get it?

The wedding card itself got everyone excited because it is so creative and beautiful. Unlike those conventional ones that we usually see.

DASH United was really beautiful. It was a large scale wedding with many colours, performances, many many guests and even a marketplace during the wedding dinner where things were sold at a better deal. Creative eh? And yes, they have a life-size poster of themselves! I love that idea! I’ll have one for my own wedding! Haha…

Shirley was gorgeous on that day. And it’s so sweet that both of them were crying when Shirley walked down the aisle.

Everything was really beautiful and well done on that day. They really worked very hard for this wedding. On top of all the hectic work for the wedding, they even have a wedding blog and David lauched his new book on their wedding day. I simply love this couple! Nothing is impossible for them!

 

There’s actually something very significant about this wedding to me personally. I’ve known Shirley for as long as I’ve been in CHC. And back when we were younger, we were pretty close. Close enough for us to know our pasts. And there’s some similiarity between our stories in the past and she has been a great encouragement and inspiration to me to be the girl that God has always wanted me to be.

For many reasons, it was actually difficult for me to believe that marriage really works. I grew up as a typical city kid, where many of my friends came to school crying because their parents had a fight the night before or are getting a divorce. I saw how my friends dislike their step-parents. I didn’t know that this fear slowly crept into my heart as I grew up. I did not trust men. I did not think I need men. Come on, I came from a girls’ school! We did well without men!

And to add to that, I’ve had bad experiences in relationships which obviously made things worse. So, from the outside, I looked fine. But from the inside, I had many hurts and I was broken.

But of course, as I knew God and His promises and Creation more, I began to realise that the original marriage that God created is meant to work. And of course, through the many encounters I had with God, I was restored. Thank You God!

I used to wonder what kind of guy deserve to marry Shirley. Ya..that’s how awesome Shirley is. And when David managed to pursue Shirley (finally!), I was really happy for them! Because David is also a superb man! I remember telling Shirley that it’s amazing to see how God put 2 of them together because…really..there’s no one else that can fit Shirley as well as David and there’s no one else that can fit David as well as Shirley. It’s really a match made in Heaven.

And watching how their relationship grew strong and watching Shirley walked down the aisle that day was really a real proof that God does watch over our relationships and marriages. And seeing a real-life example really gives me even more courage and faith to believe that God can help us make marriage work.

So, SUNshine really believes that marriage can be heaven on earth if we apply the right principles. If you don’t, it can be hell on earth. Giggles! And through all the things I’ve been through, I guess that helped a lot in figuring out what I really want in a relationship and marriage. And I thank God that I’ve the priviledge to learn all the right principles as young as I am. SUNshine sure believes that if she focus on being the right person, the right person sure will appear.

Can’t believe I’m making my past public! Haha…It just goes to show that it’s really the PAST. No longer haunts me, no longer has a grip in my life. One important person once taught me that if we can  talk about our past and hurts, it just shows that we’re done with them.

And lately, I realised that I really need to be more honest with myself. I can be in denial for such a long time! Haha… Just by acknowledging my real situation is already a step closer to face it. And through all the mask that we put on and denial, I realise I wasn’t being very honest with the most important Person in my life too. For that, I felt really bad. Repented though.

Thinking about that wedding day just puts a smile on my face.

Credits go to Andy Chin, DASH and Wong Tai Loong for the beautiful pictures.