ignited moments

some moments are simply priceless. there are no words to explain why they are so precious. but in moments like that, only those involved will know that sparks fly across for that little split second!

moments such as these are when the both of you burst out in laughter and no one else understands why.

it is when you caught him staring at you at the corner of your eye but you act cool and enjoy that moment.

it is when your eyes meet and lock in the midst of a big crowd.

it is when you haven’t seen each other for some time and stare into each other’s eyes for as long as you can afford when you finally get to meet.

it is that awkward moment when you were left to be alone and you do not know what to say.

it is the moment when your hand accidently brushed against hers.

these are the moments you will cherish. the moments that make you laugh and smile to yourself when you’re on your bed at night thinking about the other person.

i call them ignited moments.

there are no words that can completely paint the picture of an ignited moment. there is no logic that can explain why such moments are so special.

in moments like this, you forgive every hurt or misunderstanding that was done in the past, no matter how upset you were.

in moments like this, you wish time will just stand still for the both of you.

keliru

 

she knew she should have retreated and stayed away. she vowed to do so. but she didn’t because she couldn’t.

she was confused. she couldn’t read between the lines. she was so confused till she didn’t know what to think.

but after putting all the evidence together, she’s pretty sure of the truth. so sure it brought tears to her. finally she’s sure.

he may have been nice, they may have grown closer, the conversations may have been obvious but they were very general too. argh. she can’t even remember what made her suspected it in the first place.

how is it possible that a guy is interested yet he did not celebrate her birthday, did not celebrate Valentine’s, did not go the extra mile for her when her world turned upside down, no phone calls, and shows that he’s interested in other girls.

isn’t it more than clear?

she’s finally, finally letting go because she is very sure he’s after someone else.

he’s such a precious friend. too precious to be lost.

yup…true love is when you want the other person to be happy, even if it means not having you in his/her future.

oh Tuhan..maafkanlah diriku…this is so wrong.

it is finished.

Confused :S

SUNshine is so confused she doesn’t know what to do or what to think. Haha…

Is the confusion because of lack of knowledge or information or wisdom? Or too much of it as a result of thinking too much? So…should she think more or think less now? Another series of confusion here.

Tomorrow is already Friday and we’re leaving on Saturday. SUNshine hasn’t packed, hasn’t written the letter, hasn’t written the fateful email. She’s still trying to buy time here to make sure she has got the right mindset and right facts in her pinky brain.

SUNshine sure hopes that her confusion is due to lack of information/knowledge due to miscommunication or rather, no communication. Haha…if that’s the case, at least there’s hope for her. At least she’s not a Do Do who is confused even when things are clear. Wah…disaster!

God….revelation please!!!!

Let’s give it 1 more day. After that, SUNshine really has to decide and do something. No more delaying, no more procrastinating and no more leaving things as it is. Life is a journey of decisions anyway. If we don’t decide, circumstances will lead us anyhow and anyway it wants to. And that’s exactly what SUNshine does not want!

God, have mercy Revelation please……………..

Captivated :)

SUNshine finally had a little break from her SLL duties last night and went to catch a movie at the Gardens.

We were early. So, we decided to just walk around a little. We were yacking when a voice from the CD store caught my attention. SUNshine insisted to walk back to the CD shop to check that voice out. It was really captivating!

It sounded like Whitney Houston initially, but somehow she sounded a little different. Then as SUNshine checked out the programme that was played on the screen, she realised that the voice matched the movements of the lips of a girl singing. She looked Asian, she was tiny and it took SUNshine a while to realised that it was indeed her voice!

The voice was so captivating SUNshine went to the counter to ask about the singer. And this was the cili padi that caught SUNshine’s attention:

 

WOW! Charice Pempengco was born in the Phillipines in 1992 (yeah…she’s only 17 this year!) and started singing when she was 4. She joined a singing competition when she was 12. She didn’t win the competition but her singing was featured in FalseVoice and Youtube and that actually gave her the fame. People loved her so much she was featured on Oprah and sang for President Obama’s inauguration! How about that?!

SUNshine love love love her voice! Power! This reminded SUNshine of what her Pastor once said, “When babies were born, they cry. But when Indonesian babies were born, they sing!” Hahahaha…I think this applies to those born in the Phillipines as well! Hahaha…

Sunny side up :)

Aahh….SUNshine is trying to enjoy her holidays. Finally, she can do whatever she wants!

But, unfortunately, not exactly everything she wants. I think I’m really growing up. And growing up comes with responsibilities and that’s the thing that I do not like.

SUNshine wasn’t that sunny yesterday and was all cranky. Partly because she has responsibilities to fulfill. Hhhmm…and 1 issue came to her mind which frustrated her. In the midst of a TV series marathon, baking, bumming around with friends, SUNshine also has to stay home and take care of Mom and run around getting things done for the family like going to the bank, chauffering sis around, groceries, marketing, cooking, house chores, picking up 5 million phone calls a day! Argh…everything! I know I did say I like the SLL life, but it’s not that fun once the lethargy sets in. But it was bearable. Guess it’s the woman instinct in me. These are responsibilities I gotta carry till the day I die! Haha…

But SUNshine really lost it when Mom became a naughty patient. Hhhmm…It was more difficult to get her to rest, sit and relax than to get all the chores listed above done! Argh…talk about patient compliance! Argh! Why would anyone be so excited to go to work? So, it’s like being trapped between the devil and the deep blue sea. If I let her be, it’s bad for her. If I gotta use force to make her comply to the management and treatment prescribed, I’ll be this mean, bad, heartless doctor with no emotions who does not treat patients but diseases. Argh! Sounds familiar? Same thing applies to managing patients who have diabetes but would rather eat all they want and die early because at least they had fun in life. Patients who have liver failure and still wanna drink like there’s no tomorrow because at least they die happy! Oh man….

To add to that, SUNshine is currently reading a book written by an NF patient ( NF= neurofibromatosis). Her name is Yvonne Foong. Reading her unpleasant encounters with the healthcare services in Malaysia really broke my heart. While I know the real deal that happens in the hospital, and I know how frustrating it is for patients, I also know the limitations that we face as healthcare providers. To err is human. And no matter how hard we work our heads off, we still can’t provide the ideal and best healthcare for our patients and that adds to the frustration and lethargy from all the hardwork. To add to human limitations, our healthcare system is not ideal either. Don’t get me wrong. I hate it heaps too when people don’t do their best and use this as an excuse. I think all patients deserve to be treated like royalty plainly because they are humans.

So that made SUNshine all sighing and cranky yesterday.

And there’s another issue that she just couldn’t get out of her mind. It’s pretty much settled in her mind. But I guess time does heal. So, things get better with time. And she sure is glad that things are still bumming around happily and things didn’t go wrong. For that, she’s grateful

So yup…though SUNshine lack sleep (how can that be possible when you’re having holidays?! Oh yes..it can. When you have to be the SLL of the family and have morning prayer meeting at 6.15 am!), she’s much happier today. It’s sunny side up today! Hahahahahaha….

Back to work now! Got decisions to make, letters to write, people to organise and itenary to look through. Hhmm…

The 5th issue

OK…SUNshine thinks Issue No. 5 is pretty much settled.

Wonder how it all got tangled in the first place. Hehe…

Maybe they are right. I think too much.

So, now that things are cleared up, SUNshine can be happy! Hehehe… I hope. Hehe…At least it’ll be easier to talk to her boss about the whole confuse-ment thing. Haha…

And may they all live happily ever after. And oh yes…may SUNshine live happily ever after with her prince too. Sigh…that is if her new hairstyle still makes her attractive enough. Sigh….

Guess it’s a good thing that she’ll be away for some time. Gives time and room to get used to things once again.

Still the SLL

Aahh…SUNshine is still living her SLL aka Siu Lai Lai life. Although she crashed a little during the weekend. Hehe…Too tired!

On Friday SUNshine baked more! Hehe…and her friend was kind enough to use them for a birthday celebration. Check out my masterpiece!

Joy! 24 of them!

And yesterday, SUNshine had a really nice treat. Dinner at a fine dining restaurant with beautiful romantic ambience. I haven’t had that for the longest time! What a nice treat!

 

 

I loved the food! Fine dining is erm…slow…hahahaha….But I like the fact that everything is in small portions. You still feel good after the meal rather than all bloated up!

Hehe…SUNshine needs to keep herself busy and occupied so that she will think less and make things less complicated. And she sure had a good start today. Went with Mom to see the doctor today, got meals, picked sis up from school and it’s almost time to go fix her hair! Yay! More muffins from the oven either tomorrow or the day after! Hehe…and yeah..it’s time to really work things out for her trips too. Hhmm…

SUNshine is really trying to be on the move rather than sitting around, watching some TV series that makes her emo and think too much! Haha…back to reality sweetheart!

Hhmm…what else can SUNshine do to stop all the crap? Hhmmm…She hates being confused cos then she can’t even talk about it or sort things out. That’s how confused she is! She doesn’t even know how to put things in perspective and put everything in words. Hhhmmm..no wonder people say the truth shall set you free. Let’s just hope distance will help and may the truth be revealed real soon. Real real soon…

Ahh..someone just crowned SUNshine the SLL of the year! Yippee! Hehehe….

in my own little world

SUNshine wish she’s in her own little land…the SUNshine land…

in my own little world, it’ll be magical. things go the way as i want them to be. everything is beautiful and everything i love will be limitless. it is an ideal world. i can eat as much ben and jerry’s ice cream as i want without falling sick or getting fat. i can have all the make up in the world. i can have all the shoes i want and all the pretty dresses as i please.

in my own little world, things go according to my feelings. i can have the glory of the best surgeon, but there will not be problems juggling my personal life and work. i can be the most beautiful wife with beautiful children and a rich husband, yet be an independent and successful working mother. i get to drive whichever car i want according to the occasion and my mood. i can have all the time in the world to be the best at work, a lovely and serving wife, a caring mother who attends to all the needs of my children and still be a young, funky, happy girl who bums around shopping malls with her BFFs and go for spa, facial, hair treatment, manicure, pedicure as often as i wish.

in my own little world, i’ll be a princess who marries my prince charming. he is tall, dark and handsome with a fit body. he is smart, wise and a natural leader who is courageous, strong and certain of his decisions. yet he is gentle, kind, humble and loving. he is rich, yet giving. he is a strong man, yet gentle. he is a leader yet loving and compassionate. he is faithful and faith-filled. he is funny, yet serious with work. he can be anything i want him to be! haha…yet, so steady and secure. *ok..this is too much*

in my own little world, i’ll get whatever i want all the time.

but if i’m in that little world, i miss out the essence of life. i’ll miss out what it means to be alive, to fight, to battle, to laugh but also cry, to enjoy but also struggle through, to feel good but to also feel pain.

in that little world, i miss out the very thing that makes us human beings. i miss out faith. i miss out trust. i miss out true love…

Prevention is better than cure

the bubbly, funky music is blasting in her earphones. the beat to the music makes her wanna dance. but deep down in her heart, she knows her feelings are far from dancing.

watching a new tv series which probably is the most dramatic and not to mention, featuring the most scandalous “doctors” in the world makes her freak out even more. there’s only 2 possible situations she may potentially get into. first, end up like meridith…yup…the “dirty, crooked intern” who apparently was the 3rd party in a marriage (oh well..although she didn’t know he was married when they first started dating. and there were more scandals in the marriage apart from meridith). still…that was her image…the “dirty, crooked intern who was the mistress”. the 3rd party.

secondly, she could end up like izzie stevens. yup..someone hopelessly holding on to a dead relationship and in such great denial that not even her dream job or $8.7 million could make her move on. someone that because of “emotions” and “feelings” shut her mind off every logic and sense!

either way, it’s a losing battle.

and how do we gauge the possible complications or prognosis? by getting the right diagnosis. if her working diagnosis is correct, the possible complication would be scenario 1. if her differential diagnosis is right, scenario 2 would be the posssible complication.

and how do we get a “mixed picture” and more complicated complications? when you have decided on your working diagnosis and treat the patient taking into account the differential diagnosis. sigh. why would you diagnose a disease and treat according to a different disease? that’s when you “wish” your differential is correct and not your provisional diagnosis which was made according to the evidence that you hear and see.

to make things more scary, a bittersweet memory flashed past her mind. the scene when he said, “let’s just be friends” just 6 months ago. there was something good that came out of that and it was the lessons learnt. and why is it that she’s walking into it again?

so how do you not lose in a losing battle? simple. by not going for the battle. retreat.

sweetheart, why would you walk into a room that you know is on fire? you know you will get burnt.

it’s just feelings. whatever you nurture will grow. whatever you starve will die.

and by now, isn’t she a pro in this?

cut the crap with the countdown. just stick to what has been decided and go find your joy. yup…continue doing things that put a smile on your face, make you squeal and tired. keep yourself busy dear…

perhaps the only consolation she can give herself is this: sometimes letting go is the way you love another person, just like what dr shepherd did. he let meridith go because he knew he would hurt her, and she would probably be happier with the vet.

prevention is better than cure. prevent the complications while you may. it’s worth the struggle.

Why ya?

If she’s sure of things…if she clearly knows what she wants…if she has decided..

Then why is she so sad?

8 more days. Hang in there sweetheart…