Emo

People say curiosity kills the cat. I think it’s true.
Thanks to my curiosity, I went to dig and investigate something and now I feel horrid.
Not too sure it’s disappointment or confusion, but it’s a horrible feeling.
Whatever it is, it’s time to just stop and think about EOS and nothing else.

After all the evidence I gathered, nope…I’m not the one. But I’m so determined to help him win her heart…whoever she is. Hehe… Not too sure if it’s because he’s a close buddy or because I just want him to know that really…he can do much more than he can ever imagine. Including finding a wife! Jiayou man…

Happy Day :)

Today was a happy day Woke up with thanksgiving in my heart, had breakfast with my sister, read a little more about anti-depressants (OK…not a good thing to read on your big day! Haha…) Then got dressed up and went early to MidValley cos I need to get a gift for another birthday girl! Not telling you who yet…

As much as I say I don’t like shopping, I still do!!! Then had lunch with Yen, Tom, Abel and Krys at some Taiwanese restaurant. Pretty good food! Had an awesome time!

Then it was time to hunt for my birthday gift!!! Haha…I really didn’t know what I wanted k? I want everything but don’t exactly need something. Haha…very blessed right?

In the end, Krys and I chose this:

 

Happy!!! I love Bobbi Brown! Ooo..you gotta try their lipstick! Best that I’ve used so far!

Grateful to have friends and family who make a big deal out of my birthday. So thoughtful of them…

Unfortunately, my birthday isn’t important to someone. Sigh.. I kept the door closed but left the window open while wondering what he’s up to. But guess, now I’ll close the window too. Haha… As much as people say birthdays are NOT important, it is ya know…I learnt this from a friend. Birthdays are important because it celebrates a person’s life. So..one of my resolutions this year is to make as many birthdays special as possible. Hehe… So if you think I’m making a big deal out of your birthday, it’s not because I’m interested in you k? It’s my resolution this year! Haha… But if you think I forgot your birthday, forgive me..I’m still learning ya…

SUNshine is very happy today!

30th Jan

SUNshine was reading about bipolar mood disorder when suddenly her sis exclaimed, “It’s 12 am!!!!!!”

Hehe…then 2 girls syiok sendiri in their room singing “Happy Birthday”! Haha…

Yup…it’s little Miss SUNshine’s birthday today. Hehe…Unfortunately, she can’t go all out to celebrate it thanks to her exams! Aiseh….

But still, she can’t stop smiling because she’s really grateful.

Psalm 139: 13-16

13 For You formed my inward parts;
         You covered me in my mother’s womb.
 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;^[b]
         Marvelous are Your works,
         And that my soul knows very well.
 15 My frame was not hidden from You,
         When I was made in secret,
         And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
 16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
         And in Your book they all were written,
         The days fashioned for me,
         When as yet there were none of them.

For that, SUNshine is grateful. She was just reflecting on her life, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad and realised, really…we might not know as much, we might not understand certain things at the moment we’re going through them, but Someone else does and the best part of it, He loves us. How amazing can that be!

Can imagine how excited God was when He was crafting me out with His own hands, watching me grow in my mummy’s tummy, fashioning the days of my life that I am living out right now!

Haha…SUNshine’s friends managed to get her out from home tomorrow so that she won’t be sitting at home studying on her birthday! Haha…. sweet…

Really…I think we’re all so absorbed into EOS that we are living in an “EOS world!” I didn’t realise that till one friend called at 12am. We yacked a little and then he asked me what I wanted for birthday, what’s my birthday wish that he can fulfill tomorrow. I was stunned. I didn’t know cos I haven’t been thinking what I want…I basically haven’t been thinking about anything except EOS! Aiseh…Now I gotta think what I want tomorrow before we go shopping.  Haha… And come to think about it, yeah…it’s kinda pathetic to be sitting at home studying on your birthday! Hahaha….

But I’ve really been slacking! Oh man…think I should just enjoy tomorrow and that will probably give me the pressure to work harder next week! Haha….

Happy Birthday SUNshine! Oh man…I don’t feel my age! A very beautiful lady once told me that women look their best at this age and that’s why she got married at that age. Haha…can the beauty remain at this age forever then? Haha….

There she goes..

Hhhmm…sei la…Why does she feel so weird? Haih….

Why is she waiting?

Why is she wondering?

Hhmm…it’s too premature to say or decide anything. But at least, can you please don’t watch from afar? Can you don’t admire from afar? It has been so many months already.

Come nearer can? Still friends…but closer friends? But at least, don’t ignore because you’ve got things to hide.

There she goes again…

When the past haunts you

Waliao wei….suddenly I had a panic attack while browsing through facebook.

Suddenly, I had a recollection of the past…what happened…and how it felt…horrible!

OK..that’s it! “Tui Hou”!!!!! History better not repeat itself…wonder if I can take another round of it. No…I should be wise enough not to allow it to happen to me ever again!

28 Jan

Oh man…decided not to go back Seremban this week. Reason being..if I just need to go to the wards, I can do that entire week next week cos I don’t think I’ll just sit down in my room studying the whole day. Can still take time off in a day to go to the wards. Hehe…but I might be missing out study group time. Aiseh..anyways, at least at home I’ve got “supervisors” to yell at me if I slack.

Oh man…I’m slacking behind! Need to focus more, study faster and just think about exams and nothing more. Hehe…

Suddenly feel like “tui hou” again today. Aiseh..one of those yoyo days. Ya know…when you just don’t wanna do anything and wanna run away from everything and hide? In moments like this, I either take out my Bible and renew my mind or get encouraged by real people that I know today. One of them is Sun Ho. I’m always encouraged by her life. So, I’ll listen to her songs and take out her journal and look through it again. I did just that today.

And I wonder what’s that feeling in me now. Can’t help but to think about it. But I guess I know what to do, just whether I am ABLE to DO it. Haha… There are things I’m not happy about, and I guess I shouldn’t overlook those feelings. And I shouldn’t explore more either. Haha… I should really, really “tui hou”. “Tui hou” enough not to expect anything, not even this Friday. But stay close enough as good buddies as we are now. Tricky eh? Oh man..I shouldn’t even be thinking about this! Thought I made up my mind…haizzz…. I can write this here cos I know he’s not reading. In case, some of you think I’m super hinting on my blog! Haha.. I’m not that kind k? If I wanna hint, I give real clear ones! Wahahahaha…

Anyways, I wonder who reads my blog. If you’re reading this, just drop me a note to say hi k? Hehe…

A story

Hehe…suddenly I feel so grateful

Have been evaluating my life..the things I’ve gone through..the joy and the pain..the success and failures…

Have been thinking about the future…studies..career…ministry..relationships..marriage…

And one thing that came to my mind: Gratitude

So grateful that He’s got me in His hands…and mind…and heart…

I’ve been so touched and encouraged reading other people’s story..to hear their thick and thin, their life, their story.

Then I realise, my story is in the making too..in the same way He’s working in theirs, He is working on mine too

One day, I’ll be telling my story…our story..which ultimate just reveals His story…

Tak dong chiang…

Tak dong chiang!!!!

Hehe….xin nian kuai le! Today is the first day of CNY

We had a superb lunch at Jogoya, Starhill. This is the BEST buffet ever! I usually don’t like buffets cos there can be a lot of food, but not of good quality. I would rather eat small amount but superb food. But this is different…it’s a lot of food and super yummy! Superb quality of food! Highly recommended!

Had such a fun time eating and just walking around Pavilion and Starhill. And yes…that makes me wanna be a tai tai…I want to marry someone rich! Haha…

Can you guess what this is?

Cute!

Just landed on a space ship to celebrate CNY! Hehe…Look like alien!

Which one should I pick?

Oh yes…I finished reading “boy meets girl” in 1 day! Haha…a very pleasant read And I think I know what I want already. Kinda can imagine what kinda life I want and what I want from a relationship and marriage. More importantly, how to handle it… That book was really a blessing to me Hehe…. And it’s not even my birthday yet!

Kinda feel today that a happy relationship and a happy marriage is possible. Sometimes people ignore the basics and the simple without realising those are the secrets to a successful marriage. Suddenly I remember this song and it just put a smile on my face. I love this song…hehe…he sing this song then propose…Oh yeah! Haha… I can say it here cos I don’t think he’s reading this

 

Love

Xin Nian Kuai Le!

Hehe…Happy Chinese New Year! Hehe…SUNshine is happy!

First of all, I’m back in KL…being back in KL with my mornings free means I can go swimming! I am so so addicted to swimming and I got my sister hooked up to it too! Hehe…thank God it’s a healthy addiction! Haha…

Secondly, my sissy is back from Singapore! Joy! And she got me an early gift! Hehe…It’s a book! It’s this book:

Hehe….sweet eh? Mmmm…ya..a book I need right now. Haha… And a book she thinks I need. Haha…

We went for our dinner last night already! Haha…Early eh?

Before the dinner, I went for service. David preached a super awesome sermon! Love it! Check out www.chc.org.my for the sermon but I think it won’t be up yet. I love the way he described why people do the things they do. and I can’t agree more that people are mostly driven by fear, if it’s not love. And because of fear, people hide behind a mask. Some people mask it away with a constant smile. Some people laugh things of and hide behind the mask of humour. Some suppress their true feelings with anger and ego. And it will be that way till you find Love. And perfect love is God.

I suddenly remembered a quote that I once came across:

“Love takes off the mask that we fear we cannot live without, and know we cannot live within.” James Baldwin.

Someone came to my mind when David was preaching. To a lot of people, this person is always happy, always funny, always cheery and always cool about everything. This person cannot cry, cannot express and it’s close to impossible to connect deeply with this person. And I’ve always tried to penetrate through that superficiality, but I just can’t. I really wonder what’s behind that mask. I wonder how will this person get married, how will this person be really OK with all the needs and true feelings suppressed.

And I was thinking if I should 退后. Is it a mask of fear? Then I thought about it and I realise, the real issue is not about 退后. It’s about WHY I 退后. And I guess, for this season, it’s wise to do so.

 

24th Jan

Aaahh….what a beautiful day

Woke up early to go swimming..and I’ve got new toys with me this round! Hehe…yup! I love them!

Last night I reached home a little late after class. Reached home only at 9pm for dinner. Aiseh…And I realise something kinda sad.

Noticed my mom was waiting at home alone..so lonely. Feel like it’s time to get a new puppy! Hehe…And it doesn’t help when I hear a “new” bark from my neighbour’s house in Seremban. I think there’s a new puppy in the block! Hehe…

And SUNshine panicked again yesterday. Hhmm…exams are really coming near eh? Aarrghhh…no time to waste anymore! This is freaky man!

And SUNshine is still wondering if she should be in Seremban or KL this coming Friday. Hhmm…either way it doesn’t make much of a difference I guess. Cos I’m seriously not in a celebrating mood thanks to the exams and people who usually remember and celebrate with me are not around. So..hmm..yeah…

OK…back to work! I know everyone’s in a holiday mood…except for us poor souls..but it’s OK…it’s just part of life I guess…

Happy Chinese New Year And yes….my sister is on her way home from Singapore!!!!!!! Yippee!!!