Heartbreaker?

Oh no…SUNshine hopes she’s not breaking anyone’s heart here. Hopefully it’s nothing more than a rumour.

She doesn’t know the source, neither does she want to find out.

Ignorance is bliss. And sometimes, it’s the best way to let things cool down.

Dark Knight?

Sigh…I don’t like it. Suddenly disappearing….I really don’t like it. It’s like the Dark Knight…Suddenly when you’re talking to him, he disappears. Then, you gotta wait for him to appear for the next conversation. And it’s not easy to find him, in fact, you can’t find him. He’ll just appear and disappear.

I really don’t like it. It saddens me in fact. Every conversation was cut by disappearance.

Busy? Coincidence? Internet problem? the statistics is 100%. Can’t be so coincidental right?

And SUNshine can’t hunt for “Dark Knight”. “Dark Knight” can’t be found and does not like to be found. It’s bothering when you talk too much. Another thing about the Dark Knight is…he doesn’t reveal himself! Even if he’s the hero, Gotham thinks he is the villain! Same case here…it’s so easy to misunderstand, because truth is not revealed.

SUNshine is sadden by this But she knows not reacting to this is the best way. Again, she has to be silent. No matter how many times or how much she talks about herself, it is not remembered. Not even her birthday, not her exam dates, not her mom’s operation date. :( Sigh… Who is she to demand anything more anyway?

It’s OK Miss SUNshine. Just keep smiling anyway ya…Sigh….It’ll end soon. It will… Just tarry….just tarry. Soon k…soon it’ll end…God, faster a bit can?

Dreams

Dream….dream dream dream….

Literally…SUNshine has been dreaming a lot lately! Almost every night I think!

Scientist tells us that we dream to forget. It’s the brain’s way to delete the overloading content in the brain! Hehe…

The Bible tells us that God can speak to us even in dreams. I wonder which dream was God speaking to me, and which dream was my brain trying to delete.

I dreamt about my dream date, with my dream guy…so beautiful! Sigh…was kinda disappointed when I woke up. What?! It was just a dream?!

Then I dreamt about this doctor in the ward. Ooppss!!! Maybe I’ve been seeing him too much! Haha…

Then I even had a nightmare! About the Joker *gulp*

Scary k…he was doing what he does best! Yup…killing people and having fun doing it! *chills*

I even dreamt about my uni friends. Haha…don’t remember what we were doing. But while we were waiting outside the wards this morning, waiting to be called in for exam, I had a dejavu of that situation! :S

Haha….dreams…sometimes they are so pleasant. Sometimes, the nightmares are so scary!

Shootout!

Sigh…SUNshine is so tired! Just finished clinical exam and came back.

The case was simple, but the questions were shot off like a machine gun! What a shootout! Oh man…. :S That explains why he’s the head of department of surgery and I’m a medical student eh? He knows SO SO much! Gosh!

Thank God my patient was super cooperative and really good. Thank you uncle! He even let me do a PR k?!

Sigh…but the questions! He even asked me draw the whole GIT system, label all the blood vessels, and another 5 million questions, including management! Although at the end he said he didn’t expect me to know much about the management. And gave me some advice:

“I know basic sciences were done in Phase 1, but come of it you still need to know because of its clinical importance. You weren’t too bad la…”

Sigh…”not too bad” is not good right? :S He asked how many marks I deserve and I was like…”eerrr….” Wish I can remember everything all the time! Argh!

Aiseh….the other consultants and doctors doing their rounds were just laughing at us when THE BOSS came in and picked our patients. Hehe…they must be thinking, “Poor kids!” Even the nurses came and peeped and whispered, “what’s up?”

And the first thing he said after we greeted him was, “Oh…so you 3 are the victims ah? Come, let’s go!” Not the first thing you wanna hear from the person that will determine your destiny for the posting right? :S

Glad it’s over! Now I’ve gotta complete my reports by tomorrow, dig more info about elective/selective, make an appointment with Pastor to meet him, study (more!) for written exam next week, plan my RETREAT! Continue to suffer for my research project and remind my partner we have to meet our patient before we go off. That’s a lot!

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Hhmmm…..as much as I didn’t expect anything anymore, was kinda disappointed a close friend did not wish me anything for my exams. Hhmmm….does that person still care? Ignorance or sayonara or just the way that person is? No idea….

I still have 2 schools of thoughts. I’m still not sure which one to side. But as the days pass, things seem to be pointing towards one direction. As much as I hope things can and will work towards something that will make everyone happy, but unfortunately, it always take 2 hands to clap. I still don’t see how a caring friend no longer bothers what happens in your life. Odd ain’t it? Or was being caring part of a contract that has expired?

And yes…tarry is still the word. I guess at the end of the day, even when things seem unfair and don’t go the way I wanted and think ought to be, even when things don’t favor me, I can stand tall and say, “I did the right thing. I controlled my reactions. I learnt something”.

I guess the issue will close soon, either by choice or by circumstances. it could mean something good or bad. But whatever it is, at least the torture will be less, or even be gone.

But how am I suppose to decide? Sigh..But then again, was my decision and desires ever considered from the beginning of the entire saga? Sigh…It’s so ironic to remember that as of last night, I was still checking out old pictures, laughing at them!

 And I believe in a God who does not lie, who loves me and who has only the best for me. What more can I hope for?

Yawns…time to have a good shower, sleep and then type my heart out for the report! Sigh…

Random-ness

*Stretches*

Today I spent extra long time in the toilet! Haha…. Oooo….

Let me tell you why.

First, I scrubbed the floor which was super dirty. Then I unclog the sink that has been block and the pump thingie does not work! Ah…how did I unclog it? Hehe….Something that I watched my mom do when I was a kid!

Then I had to clean the WC. Ah…gross!

Then I had to clean myself

Tired dhe…

 

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I dislike…in fact, hate bad breath a lot! Argh! Gross! People should smell themselves before doing anything in the morning! Haha….

Haha…That’s why I always carry mint with me! In fact we were trained to always check our breath when we talk to people.

Sometimes, this is what I feel like telling those with bad breath and we gotta be near for some reason:

 

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The weather is so so hot! I feel like I’m burning! Argh! I’m hot…eerr….literally! Haha….

My iced Milo is so so precious now. It’s keeping me sane

Oh man..this post is so random! Let’s hope Mr Paul is NOT random tomorrow! Pray for me ya! My exam is between 8 am and 10 am!

Tarry

Tarry some more? Sigh…

Tarry…self-control…guard your heart, your feelings….

That’s all He said. :S

But I wanan dissociate myself from all of it. Please…

But the only way is through. Aiseh….

Half birthday?

It’s 30 July Suddenly it came to my mind that it’s 6 months before I get another year older! Oh no! Hehehe….

It’s a public holiday today and SUNshine is spending it at the hospital and at home, preparing for tomorrow’s exam. Pray for me ya!

One more week and I can go sort out whatever I want to! That is…if there’s a way to sort it out. This is torturous! Argh!

Happy ** and a half birthday to Miss SUNshine Diaong….

Retreat

Retreat. SUNshine needs a retreat. All alone. Away from the voices. Away from the work. Away from all that’s happening. Away from people.

SUNshine needs to sort her mind out, sort her heart out. But before that, she just needs to hang in there, do what she needs, then she can fly.

Ah…my turn to get my space, my mind straight. Leave me alone! Hahahaha….aiseh…..Gosh, it’s in time like these that you’ll know who are those that are closest to your heart. Who you can go to in times like these….Those that will not leave you nor forsake you no matter what…

Gosh….What am I gonna drown myself with during the holidays when there’s no work? :S I know! Retreat! Hahaha…just go somewhere…away without my phone! Ahh….solitude…

A retreat just me and You.

Answers

SUNshine needs answers.

There’s something worse than bad things happening or tough times, it’s called Dark times. That’s the time when you are ready to take challenges, ready to face reality, ready to rough it out but you don’t know what to do.

Sigh…I can take bad news, I can take disappointments. I would rather face them than not knowing what to do, what’s suppose to happen.

Please God…One Word You know I’ll follow. Oh man…waiting is tougher than fighting a battle! No wonder those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, those who seek Him will find Him. Waiting is tough!

Please…just make things clear and I’ll take it. I don’t even care what I want now, I just need to know what’s next, what’s the truth. i wonder how people live without vision, without truth…

How long more do I need to wait? It’s a torture from within OK? Just let “Yes” be “Yes” and “No” be “No”. What so tough? I don’t get it!

God…please…no longer my will, no longer what I want. Just tell me, I’ll face it, I’ll do it. Period.

Upset!

Miss SUNshine is upset right now. No…in fact, she is angry! I can fry an egg (maybe even beef steak) with the heat that’s in my heart now!

What’s wrong with people who don’t reply SMSes?! I call it rude! Plain Rude with a capital R!

Fine…maybe you were busy. But why SMS me when you are busy and when I reply (with a question), there’s no reply? It’s like starting a surgery knowing that you have no time to suture it back!

I always give benefit of doubt and wait for the reply, But it has been more than 5 hours now. Can’t be as busy as I am right? Fine…assumptions again right?

To me, when you don’t reply an SMS with questions, it’s either you think it’s NOT important, you are RELUCTANT to answer the question or you simply think I’m NOT important or have no respect for me. Maybe there are another 5 million reasons! But seriously…none can be good right?! Fine…unless your handphone dropped in the toilet or drain or got stolen just at the time you wanted to reply! Fine…maybe the phone battery died. Maybe something’s wrong with the line operator and the SMS didn’t get across. Maybe KL and Seremban are SO FAR apart, SMSes are delayed by 10 hours!

Honestly, I’m really trying my best to tolerate this. But really, people do have limits k? The only reason why I shut up now and not bring up the issue is out of respect for my boss. He hasn’t spoken, neither should I. Oh…I forgot, I’m nobody to you now. Ooopppsss….

Fine..slow to anger right? Now that I vent it all out here, I’m feeling better already.

Please…for goodness sake, if you’re my friend, remember to reply my SMSes! It’s not because I’m bossy, but because it’s courtesy k? It’s respect. Please….Especially if there’s a question to it! Argh!