Dear God,
My encounter with You today was more than awesome, You knew I needed it. I’m still hurting, I’m still looking for reasons and I still don’t know what to do. But I now have the strength and the love to keep going on.
I’ve been Your precious for more than 10 years now. I’ve learnt Your commandments well. I’ve behaved and carried myself as I ought to. But that was not enough. You have more in mind, haven’t You? 
I thought I knew what it means by sacrifice of praise. I thought I knew what denying myself to follow You means. But it was shallow. Now I know what sacrifice means. Now I know what denying myself means. In the midst of all the pain, I sacrifice praise to You. I put on a smile and say God is good. It is not living in denial, but it is believing that You are good in the midst of all the pain I’m going through. You deserve it Lord.
Denying my feelings, my desires, my thoughts in the midst of hurt is what it means to deny myself to follow You. I would rather sit down and cry and demand that people comfort me. But You want me to get up, go out and serve others, meet their needs. I want to hide and not meet anyone, but You want me to be out there right now, shining for You, having all eyes on me to see Your glory. Da Da, I know You know it’s painful. But You’re more interested in my character than my comfort.
I’m trying so hard to cling on and hold on to the tiny bits of my broken heart left. But You want me to give it all, let it all go. Da Da, I really don’t know what I have left. My studies are tough, my chance of going to the top uni is dashed, my heart is torn, my spirit is frail, my dearest ones are leaving. I only have You and You alone.
Da..I remember those days when I cried more than I spoke, I gave more than I ate, I served more than I’m loved in return. Painful but those were the days I learnt most, grew most, encountered You most. And the reward was amazing. The secrets You revelaed to me are priceless. I’ve got them all written on the tablets of my heart.
Abba…this is the end of me and the beginning of Your miracles. Don’t leave me, don’t forsake me. For then, I can’t live, neither can I die. My spirit and soul has learnt to breathe and live on Your presence. Without Your presence, it no longer can function.
So, remember this day God I pray. The day I gave more than my belongings, more than my money, more than my energy. This is the day I give my heart, my soul, my entire being to You, denying myself to follow You. In the same way You remember 10 July 2004, remember this day Lord…remember this day. This is what I sow for my future, and greater harvest shall I reap.
This is not a test of obedience. You know I’ll follow the moment You release a word. But this is a test of trust. I see nothing, yet I walk with You. I am clueless yet I believe. You said, blessed are those who have not seen, yet they believe. Let the light be near, let the path be clear.
Who do I have in Heaven and earth, but You…As long as I have You, everything will be fine. For all things work together for the good of those who love You…that’s a promise!
I need You….like never before…Remember this day….
