Where did love go?

All she intended was to show concern, but all that went across was she’s checking things out. She wasn’t secure and she didn’t trust enough.

All she needed was love and support. But all she heard was a list of “right and wrongs”, a list of “do’s and dont’s”.

All she wanted to do was to release her emotions, but all that went across was an episode of whining and an impression that her expectations were too high.

All she wanted was to see her smile again but all she could manage were tears.

Some things are best said when you say nothing at all. She didn’t need any solutions or advice. She just needed love.

Where did love go?

 

Only One

Her mind was certain, but her heart refuses to move an inch.

Her needs cry out for attention, but her care kept giving away.

She tried, she tolerated, she accepted but the pain was too much to bear.

She has learnt well that pain is the most difficult entity of a disease to bear. Physical pain can be dealt with by NSAIDs and opiates. But the pain in her heart, what analgesic to prescribe? Which mechanism of action would work?

She suffered in silence out of obedience but she was misintepreted. But accepting the consequences of obedience was the right thing to do. She did not mention a word for she could not.

The only cry of her heart is that the sacrifices will produce fruit, it will bring forth change, it will lead to a better future.

She knew what to do, but will her heart be able to bear? Will her mind and body be able to bear the sleepless nights?

Would anyone care? Would anyone know?

The lamentations of a broken heart…Only One can hear, only One can heal.

Lessons in life

Today was a weird day. Oh well…it’s a good type of weird. I was posted to the Physiotherapy department and I learnt many lessons there, not just medical, more of lessons in life.

Before any patients came in, we checked out all hte equipment and toys As I look at the things there, I suddenly realise I’ve taken many things in life for granted. Simple things like opening a door latch, turning on the tap, picking things up with my fingers…I’ve forgotten to thank God that I’m able to do them well. Believe it or not, these are some of the things patients need to practise during therapy sessions.

The first patient I met nearly moved me to tears. He’s a 17 year old boy with cerebral palsy and requires 24- hour supervision from his parents and regular physiotherapy. What really touched us was from our conversation with his mom. I’m really amazed by her love for him and how proud she is of her son although he is so different from other boys. She brings him out wherever she goes and teaches him many things. The power of a Mother’s love! I’m amazed….

Then we talked to other patients and they really made my day! Because they are patients who are concerned about their health and really take care of themselves Aaahhh…nice! How pleasant!

Hehe…then we checked out all the cool stuff that’s available. Hehe….

 

 

This is not for you to hang yourself to destress! This is for cervical traction. To pull your neck like a giraffe to relief neck pain due to compression. Hehe…

Is this a machine to help you burn fats and lose weight? Hehe…that’s what we thought! But most likely not la…hehehe….no idea what that’s for though :S

There are some cool stuff from the lab too. The machine below is amazingly intelligent! Just order the test on the computer according to the barcode, put in some samples in a bottle labelled with the barcode. It will automatically scan the bottle’s barcode and know what test to do! Smart eh? Ya…we only got 2 of these machines because each costs RM 500,000! So..the next time you do any blood test, don’t take it for granted k?

You see the long thingie taking samples from a bottle? No? OK…nevermind…hahaha…

 

You see it now? No? Fine…hahahaha….

So yeah…today I learnt not to take takes in life for granted. Life is short! Live it right!

Life as it is

I woke up this morning feeling terrible. Thanks to the very much interrupted sleep last night! For some reasons I kept waking up. Once was because of the heavy rain with thunder and all. Wish it rained longer! The weather is so hot! Other times I woke up worrying about the unfinished business I have :S Sigh…

But amazingly I didn’t feel that tired throughout the day! Maybe I didn’t have the time to feel tired! Haha… I must say it has been a fruitful learning day. Thanks to Dr Cactus! He’s a new entry into my “Hero list“! Hehe… I learn heaps from him! Although many times we get corrected a lot and he’s really strict. But we learn a lot too

I had a good time alone with God after class today. Was just so thankful for the calling He has placed in my life. I really enjoy it! It’s not easy, it’s the more fun thing to do, I’m not the best around, but somehow I have so much satisfaction! Words can’t describe this man!

And I thank God for 3 persons that truly know my heart. The kind of “san fu” I feel now, only 3 of them can understand. I can’t express it to others…well..more like, don’t know how to express it. Sigh…will this ever end? Will this ever have a happy ending? Help!!!!!!!!! Sometimes doing what is right seems like the hardest thing to do.

But well…God is still good Ketika kupercaya…mukjizat itu nyata. Bukan kerana kekuatan, namun Roh Mu ya Tuhan….

I’m so looking forward to weekend cos my sis will be back from Singapore and it’s a looooong weekend! Aaahhhh……

Indonesian power!

Oh man! Lately I’ve been super obsessed with Indonesian singers! Their voices are amazing! So I’ve been checking out Indonesian singers quite a bit. Hehe…If you’re an Indonesian, you’ll probably think I’m super outdated to have just discovered Delon. His voice…and *ahem* face! *squeals*

I once heard this saying, “When babies are born, they cry. But when Indonesian babies were born, they sing!” Hahaha….

 

Important Announcement!

Hehe… finally I can put this up!

So sweet…aawww….And this is the story of “When Two Lovers Part” Hahaha….

 

Think of me

Do you still think of me? Sigh…think of me fondly when we say…GOODBYE…sniff….

Emo day

Today was a pretty emo day :S

Clinic hours were a bit emo. Patient ended up crying. It got me thinking a little. A good doctor that a patient trusts will really know a lot more about the patient’s life and be able to offer more help. There’s so much more to just the medical problem they have. And believe it or not, other aspects of our lives do affect our health. And I really believe that depression is under-diagnosed!

It was a pretty saddening day. Then our lecture in the afternoon was about palliative care aka the care that you give so that the dying phase is as “comfortable” as possible. Sigh…

Then it was fun time! I went to Amelia’s house to play with her make up! OK…more like asking her to teach me how to apply make up properly. She’s not just any other pretty girl k? She won some kinda Maybeline contest, took 1 year off medical school to learn how to do proper make up. She even learnt from a pro in New York! Aaahh….and apart from studying medicine, she is involved in business too. She meets clients to sell business proposals. How cool! Check her out at her blog! Her pics are super hot man! Sorry guys…she’s happily attached! Obviously! Hehe…Thanks Amelia! It was fun!

She really taught me everything from start till end! hehe… Oh yes! I NEED new foundation, mascara…that’s all. *hint hint* Mascara when applied properly and when your lashes are curled properly…fuyoh! It does wonders to your eyes!

So…how did I look like after that make over? Like this:

Tada! hehe…Amelia say I look like a kid! Hehe….

My 3 heroes

I’ve finally completed Internal Medicine posting and I’m now in a less strenous posting. Hehe…that explains why I have the time to blog!

I enjoyed Internal Med heaps! Although I feel there is room for improvement when it comes to our curriculum but kudos to some (not all!) lecturers for making it fruitful for me! And here, I must thank God for favour! Honestly, I’m the not the best student to have.

I’ve got 3 heroes that I really look up to! They are amazing in their own ways

First is Prof C. He is THE man! A very well-reputated cardiologist and one of the few ones that is qualified to inject stem cells into the heart, he is amazingly professional and he really knows what he’s doing! I’m amazed how he can pick things up and diagnose! Argh! After every class with him, I feel I can mug, read up, clerk patients for the next 80 hours with no rest! Haha…He really inspires me and I always thought to myself, “If I can be a doctor as good as he is, whatever my speciality is, I count myself successful!” And in the midst of his hectic schedule, he never fails to give us his full attention in his class. He may change the time of the class, but he never cancels, unlike some people. Sir, I salute you!

Second hero is Dr T. He happens to be my mentor. We talk so much, he’s like a friend. While I bug him with questions, he bugs me with questions too! Hehe…I admire him for his dedication in teaching. He takes the time to talk to me and ask me what I think about the curriculum, etc. When we submitted our case summaries and reports, he typed out a 2-page comment for each of his mentees. He even re-wrote our reports to show us how we ought to write them. I like bumping into him in the wards because that will mean seeing interesting cases personally with him, even if it’s a holiday. Sir, thanks heaps for your dedication! I learnt heaps and hope I didn’t disappoint you in the exams! :S

Last but definitely not the least is Dr J. I wonder if words can describe what I think of him! He caught my attention the first time I heard his name and was told that he specialises in Infectious Disease, sub-specilising in HIV. I got curious because why would anyone dedicate his life to HIV?

I love tagging along him during his ward rounds because he actually bothers to show us interesting and useful stuff, unlike some who have magical eyes that see through us. He makes his houseman and medical officers include us when they carry out his orders. Hehe…

One real amazing thing about this man that WOWs me is the way he treats his patients. I’ve never met any doctor that has so much compassion and love for his patients. I can just stare at the way he touches his HIV patients aka his babies, the way he talks to them, the way he goes near them while so many doctors stand so far away I wonder how they examine the patients! And he is the only doctor that I think is how Jesus would treat patients if He was a doctor! Dr J, from the bottom of my heart, I see Jesus in you! And mind you, I did not know he is a Christian at that time!

Another thing about Dr J is…he’s the ONLY lecturer/doctor/specialist that has ever said something very encouraging to us. It was during our case presentation in the ward and he was just commenting on the importance of speaking fluent English. This was what he said:

” Guys, I’ve no doubt you’ll be specialists and consultants one day. You’ll make a name for yourself. I really believe this. And you’ll be invited to speak at conferences all over the world. You cannot afford to speak broken English. I’ve been to many conventions where top professors present their papers. But the moment these top shots start speaking, I walk out of the hall because their command of English was so bad. One day you will be presenting your papers. But one thing I promise, I will not walk out of the hall is your English is bad, I’ll just switch of my hearing aid”

Oh man..I nearly cried k? And another reason I truly respect him is he knows his stuff! I have to constantly remind myself that it takes more than just a good heart to be a good doctor. We can’t just have good intentions without being good enough to actually help our patients. A doctor who is compassionate but with inadequate knowledge should be a social worker, not a doctor. But Dr J really knows his stuff! Respect! And I love his blog! Haha…informative, entertaining and addictive! I actually read till 3 am k? The great news is…he’s my mentor in clinical school! Woohoo!

So there you go…my 3 heroes! Really, there are good doctors out there! And I’m glad they are my mentors

Happy Mothers’ Day :)

Aaww….so sweet…hahahahaha….