OMG! I think my blog really needs resuscitation! Haha! I’ve just been so busy! Sorry peeps!
but it’s only 51 days to my big hurdle!
i only have 51 days left! 51!!!!!
everyday i ask myself the same question, “am i ready for it?” and my answer is still the same: NO!
51 days to my 1st Profesional Exam and about 8 months to graduation! am i ready for them? Nope! :S
i’m not ready to answer 10-mark questions in 4-9 minutes. i’m not ready to examine a patient in 5 minutes or 15 minutes and answer questions from the great specialists. i’m not ready to look at some pictures, have a diagnosis in my mind and answer the questions in 5 minutes. i’m simply not ready to vomit out answers like i have food poisoning!
that’s scary..yup! but what comes after that is scarier! i’m so not ready to manage patients! the only thing i can confidently prescribe is Paracetamol! Haha….
i must admit it’s a very frustrating season for me now. the more i know and discover, the more i realise i don’t know! the more i realise i don’t know, the more freaked out i become! and it doesn’t help when i’m not the only one feeling this way and i hear very depressed/discouraging comments so frequently!
so, in my lethargy and frustration last week, i asked my kor, Alvin, what to do when you don’t know what to do? and he sent me a link to one of his blog entries that really encouraged me.
Here’s the entry:
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The time I took to run the Adidas Sundown Marathon 2009.
The whole race was tough and painful. Nevertheless it anchored a deep thought once again within me.
I told a friend before the race that I never train for it.
He said, “Just move those legs, swing those arms, and remember to smile. Because you’ll never know when a photographer is around to snap your face. Don’t wanna end up with grumpy running pics.”
I made it, I did it with a smile on my face (at least throughout most of the 42km).
Now I am heading back to another Marathon. It is call LIFE.
It is a Marathon that I did not train for.
But..
I am just gonna move these legs, swing these arms and remember to smile. Because I’ll never know when God is gonna show up to give me my breakthrough in life. Don’t wanna end up with grumpy life story
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WOW! That encouraged me!
And in one of the days when i was fasting this week, i turned to a passage that says we ought to live as we are called. (Check out 1 Corinthians 7:17). so, in other words, i can’t compare my lifestyle with another person who is called to do something completely different. so, i can’t whine about how i need to stay home and study while my peers who are working go out and hang out. just like how a supermodel shouldn’t whine about how she can’t eat as much as we gluttons do because it’s part of her job to stay in shape. an athlete can’t compare his training time with the time i spend exercising. a dancer can’t complaint about hitting the gym for long hours to build her stamina. i know it can be quite sucky sometimes! i mean…i gotta sit for 2 exams on Christmas eve while everyone’s celebrating! bargh! how about being on-call on Christmas Day? Argh! But oh well..it’s part of the deal, part of the job, part of the calling.
Live it out!
having said that, i must admit, i still feel discouraged at times, i still whine, i still feel uncertain. my answer to my initial question is still NO and i still don’t know how to finish studying and ace the exams and be a good doctor. but like what my mentor, Abel told me:
“whatever you do, just don’t give up”.
so, to all of you out there who are in the same season as me, especially my batchmates, well..what can i say? i’ve no solution either. but i once heard a wise saying from a man by the name of Phil Pringle (btw, i really love his blog! Check it out HERE!):
You can only do what you can do. If you’ve done what you can do, what else can you do? Don’t feel guilty for what you cannot do
and the most sucky thing that can happen is working real hard but doing the wrong thing! i mean..imagine studying so hard only to realise during the exams that you’ve been studying the wrong things/way. imagine climbing up the ladder only to realise you’ve climbed up the wrong wall when u reach the top!
and boy i’m glad there’s 1 promise in the Bible that says, “the steps of the righteous are ordained by God”!
Phew…
51 days….i’ve never felt so uncertain in my life! but i’m gonna move these legs, swing these arms and remember to smile



